e H: One of the things I gather from what you have said so far, but you haven’t used the word, is you learned not to be desperate. To that question you just asked, I don’t want it to sound harsh, but whatever you think you are going to have is what you are going to create.
But really where I think I made the most progress was getting really honest with myself, how I was sabotaging, some of the bad decisions I was making, and getting really responsible for them and changing them.
If you are not aware of how you yourself are contributing to these negative outcomes, you can’t shift the outcome.
So the main thing was instead of blaming the scene, or my parents, or the past guys I dated, I really had to make a shift to personal responsibility: What have I done to actually cause or create these outcomes I don’t want?
It was like re-dating the same guy — he just looks different and sounds different. When things really started to turn around was not until seven or eight months into the experiment. SS: What finally worked was not just taking the advice. What I did was I paired the advice, the tips and the tricks with a foundational overhaul of my sense of self and what I deserved in a relationship. I had this month where I actually gave up the books. I realized that instead of being hell bent on trying to find a man on a timeline what I really needed to do was get back my sense of joy and create more happiness in my life with just who I was and where I was in my life, so I took a month — I called it “Take Back Sarah Month” — and what I did was all of these activities that I absolutely loved and I didn’t focus on dating.
I still had some dates, but I was not maniacally pursuing dates. Following my sense of intuition, I booked a trip at the last minute to hike the trail to Machu Picchu, because adventure travel is something I have always loved.“What people can get from my book is a relatable story — one that will let them see that it is possible to turn a bad dating life around,” says Showfety, who has been married for a year and is now a mom to newborn daughter Avery.