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- George Carlin Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so thateveryone gets just enough stuff to keep them fromgetting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.- George Carlin Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man... Who watches everything you doevery minute of every day.And the invisible manhas a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. He loves you and he needs money.- George Carlin What does it mean to pre-board? - George Carlin Religion is just mind control.- George Carlin Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.- George Carlin I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help section? There's only the immediate future and the recent past.- George Carlin You know an odd feeling?"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Many of our more popular author webpages include: Marilyn Monroe Quotes, Bob Marley Quotes, Albert Einstein Quotes, Abraham Lincoln Quotes & Winston Churchill Quotes. Please contact us if you have any suggestions for improving our site. Famous Quotes organized by author or category for your pleasure and convenience.Everyone has experienced that love, Like a running brook Has been disregarded and taken for granted, But when that brook freezes over, People begin to remember How it was when it ran And they want it to run again Self-sacrifice, desire Sets your heart on fire Tender, soft emotion Undying devotion Love is eternal Not only nocturnal Tranquillity and passion Baby its smashin' From your very start Loves forever in your heart Self-sacrifice, desire Sets your heart on fire Tender, soft emotion Undying devotion Love is eternal Not only nocturnal Tranquillity and passion Baby its smashin' From your very start Loves forever in your heart George Carlin quotes, quotations, and sayings are some of what you can expect on “Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.- George Carlin People who say they don't care what people think areusually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.- George Carlin I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose,but that a PART of hell will break loose...it'll be much harder to detect.- George Carlin Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn'tmean the circus has left town.- George Carlin At a formal dinner party, the person nearest deathshould always be seated closest to the bathroom.- George Carlin I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogyand I realize I'm listening to it.- George Carlin You know the good part about all those executions in Texas?

His command of the English language allowed him to dissect its nuances and oddities, questioning everything from the meaning of time to getting into an… We have also selectively chosen a large collection of Inspirational Quotes, Quotes about Life, Motivational Quotes, Friendship Quotes, Graduation Quotesand and Funny Quotes to help motivate and brighten your day.

Nothing changed.- George Carlin Electricity is really just organized lightning.- George Carlin Atheism is a non-prophet organization.- George Carlin In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.- George Carlin One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friendsis that three out of four murdersare committed by people who know the victim.- George Carlin Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.- George Carlin By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.- George Carlin Think of how stupid the average person is,and realize half of them are stupider than that.- George Carlin The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.- George Carlin I think it's the duty of the comedian to find outwhere the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.- George Carlin Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.- George Carlin I don't like to think of lawsas rules you have to follow,but more as suggestions.- George Carlin If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,then I'd have to say that the universeaimed rather low and settled for very little.- George Carlin I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groupsthey identify with and belong to.- George Carlin The IQ and the life expectancy of the average Americanrecently passed each other in opposite directions.- George Carlin Honesty may be the best policy,but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,dishonesty is the second-best policy.- George Carlin Inside every cynical person,there is a disappointed idealist.- George Carlin The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.- George Carlin If a man smiles all the time,he's probably selling something that doesn't work.- George Carlin As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,he no longer is.- George Carlin Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.- George Carlin I would never want to be a member of a groupwhose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.- George Carlin If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.- George Carlin So far, this is the oldest I've been.- George Carlin Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Thompson, and all the other dead, honest funny guys who are needed on earth to keep us all sane.

Let these funny George Carlin Quotes lighten up your life.

Every table had an argument going.- George Carlin One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.- George Carlin There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.- George Carlin Some people see things that are and ask, Why?

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